The Week Of Love.
This is Valentine’s Week.
February fourteenth is when most every person will attempt in some way to show the love he has for his wife, girlfriend or partner.
The commercial community will capitalize with this special event, stocking up on red roses, chocolates, perfumes and all the other things that people buy to show their love.
This is a special day for women and most men will do their utmost to make it special for that special lady.
It is a day when most everyone want to express, to the fullest, how much that special person means to them.
It is not a recent event, matter of fact it started out as a Roman Festival in the year 496, so it has been around for a while and no doubt has changed somewhat since that first celebration.
Buying a Valentine Card is a major expense.
When I was in school (a long time ago) on Valentine’s Day we had inexpensive, colorful, paper valentines. We exchanged valentines, the big thing was to see how many valentines were received, this was an indication of how popular you were in school. It was fun, especially when I collected a lot of valentines.
That’s a blast from the past.
Now, back to the present, the subject, not the day.
Love is a word that has been written about, sung about, talked about and bandied about, in many cases recklessly.
I googled “love,” before I started writing this part of my post. In less than a second it told me there were fourteen billion five hundred and forty million hits on “love.”
It is a word that will be used quite often this week.
Everyone in one way or another is looking for love, some are lucky enough to find it and for many it is elusive.
It is a small word, but a word that has caused, for many, pain, for others bliss. It can cause, disappointment, anger and frustration.
Can that be love?
No doubt you have heard, “don’t talk the walk, walk the talk.”
Words can be ineffective and even deceptive.
There has to be something that enhances and gives meaning more than talk, walk helps, but even that.
Leaves something to be desired.
The Greek Word For Love.
The Greek language is somewhat more descriptive of the word love, there are three words that help to expand onn the meaning of love.
The first is Eros.
Eros is the erotica side of love and centers around the physical aspects of love, more pointedly, sex. It is the lowest form of love and centers around the animalistic side of human nature, it is more embraced by the male species.
The second is Phileo.
Phileo is a higher form of love which centers on family and the commitments that go with it, this is the part more embraced by the female species.
Traditional values, are more defined by my grandparents and to a degree my parents. In this model men were the providers and women the homemakers.
Today things have changed in our society, most women are in the workplace and are as much the provider or in some instances more the provider, roles are overlapping.
The woman is still the homemaker, or expected to be, but more men are now taking on some household chores as well. We are seeing the merging of the two aspects of love. We see eros and phileo merging.
With the merging of the two aspects of the love process, one would think there would be grater harmony and a strengthening of the family aspect.
If we were to look at the number of divorces today, the answer would be in the negative.
With traditional values, we could say the argument would be the responsibility to the relationship, that is the bond that kept them together.
Today, that doesn’t apply, we have a greater responsibility to ourselves, to a degree we do, but not in that concept.
The third word is Agape.
This is the highest form of love. It is the higher power within us, our inner self, and it comes down to knowing who you are, the theme of this blog.
It is easy to see the merging of the first two aspects of love is not working, based on the number of divorces that are taking place today.
Men are losing the traditional position of power they “perceived” to have had and women are clamoring for power. In fact women have always had the power and most are smart enough to let the man think he had the power.
Phileo love is stronger than eros.
The woman is the embracer, for the most part, of the phileo aspect of love and men the eros aspect.
That should answer men’s “perception” they are the stronger. It’s only a perception and that’s not reality.
Both eros and phileo aspects of love produce a conditional environment, because both involve more physical activities than anything else.
This is the reason for so many break downs or disagreements between the male and the female.
The female, expresses the phileo aspect of love and is more unconditional in her love, because of her maternal instincts, she may become so involved in this portion of her life that she inadvertently ignores her husband.
The male who leans more towards the eros aspect of love feels neglected and may stray, if not in deed, possibly in thought.
Its conditional love that allows and enables a person to get hurt or disappointed.
Conditional love has expectations.
Anytime those expectations are not met there is the possibility of anger, frustration, hurt or disappointment, none of which are pleasant. That is the downside of conditional love.
There are positive sides as well, when each are getting what they want. However, I wouldn’t call that positive.
Agape is the leveler.
Agape is an unconditional love and what is most important and exciting, it does not neglect the eros or phileo part of love, it’s embraced.
It not only embraces it empowers both, meaning that men are happier, women are happier and children pick up on that energy and the result, children are happier, that is a win win situation.
The man becomes monogamous, in thought as well, and becomes the strongest in the relationship through “love.”
The woman feels secure and if there are children, she can devote her time to the children and never neglect her husband.
Both the male and female are empowered in their physical responsibilities as a result of unconditional love.
True love is unconditional and always centers in the heart.
Final Thought For This Post.
This Valentine’s Day, more important than giving a gift, give yourself.
For the man, she will truly appreciate it, it is not the gift, it is the thought.
For the woman, he will truly appreciate it, again it is the thought.
I found out, again by experience, and for me that has always been the hard way. I am hard-headed and set in my ways, but when I get a wake up call, and fortunately I usually do, I respond.
What my late wife wanted from me was me, not the things I gave her. I was her caregiver for ten years and in that time period, we both found something, that had been missing for thirty-seven years. I never found care giving difficult, when I think back, it was as much for me as it was for her.
Both of us found true love and with that nothing is really a task.
Those experiences, are making it possible for me to write this blog, I’m sharing some of my innermost thoughts with you, not to show you about me, but to encourage “you” to capitalize on your experience’s, they are part of your journey in finding “True Love.”
Let “True Love” be your big goal.
Today’s post is more to get you thinking about true love and it’s benefits in a relationship. My posts while not really sequenced are meant to be a help in your reaching that goal.
It is truly an amazing position to be in.
I will finish this post, with what I have written for Sandra for this Valentine’s Day, I have given it to her before and I keep repeating it.
For A Beautiful Lady
On this Valentine’s Day, since we met, I have something to say that reflects how I feel about you.
You are a special, special lady. I have no trouble in opening my heart to the relationship I have with you and expressing the love I feel for you, each and every day. You are the focus of “all” my attention toward the female gender. You are everything I want and need in a woman. My greatest desire is to do things for you, however, I fully realize you are more interested in the love I have for you, than what I do for you. I enjoy doing things for you, to show how much I appreciate and love you. I hope you persevere in what I do in that area.
I see you as a warm and tender person, who wants a lover and is willing to be a lover. A tremendous combination, don’t you think? You deserve to be loved and I want to make it, a wish come true. You are capable of giving and receiving love. I believe I have within me, the capacity to fulfill that every need you have and will always enjoy doing that.
I don’t like to see you working too hard, especially at things around the house, I want to chip in and share the load. I trust you and have every confidence that whatever you do will be beautiful and functional. Any help I can give or you can give will only help to get things done quicker and allow us to have more free time or to spend more time together.
I enjoy doing things with you, skiing, skating, traveling, you are daring and sometimes foolish, but even that I like. However, you are never reckless. I sometimes can be, but you are always there to put the brakes on me. Oh! and that hurts, but it is OK, because I know it is only because you care. Another attribute I love about you,is you’re caring. For me, for the cat, for your friends. I want you to care about yourself as well, perhaps a little more than you do. Do not chide me when I say, Sandra, what about you?
I feel so lucky and blessed to have had two special loves in my life. I am a very lucky man, my connection with you was unexpected but I realized from the start, there was a connection and I could not and did not want to get away from it. You make me so happy, it is no wonder I want and like to do things for you. You are so special to me and I want you to know that, every day. To me, every day, is Valentine’s Day with you and I would like to think, the same is for you.
Today is February 12, we are two days from Valentine’s Day, but do you know what I did.
I read this to Sandra, an early Valentine’s gift.
You know what she said, “You are such a romantic.”
That makes me feel so good.
Remember what I said in this post “True love, Is such an amazing position to be in.”
I wish all “A Very Happy Valentine’s Day“
Questions or comments I always appreciate and will make an effort to answer all.