What Is It?What is it?

This short but profound statement, “the secret”, has caused, for me, through the years, different emotions ranging from anger to frustration to joy.

To understand the meaning and my interpretation of “secret,” I went to the dictionary and because there are similarities between dictionaries, I chose only one, my definition comes from the Cambridge Dictionary.

SECRET—“a piece of information that is only known by one” and “a fact about a subject that is not known.”

To help a person better understand the second definition, an example was given, “the secret of the universe.”

I have a tendency to take words at face value and not really stop to consider the meaning and its impact on the statement or the understanding that surrounds a word.

I could not take this definition at face value, because it created more questions than answers, I wanted someone to tell me what the secret was. That wasn’t going to happen.

About Myself.

What I am about to write was not known to me at the time.

I cannot say I was the most confident of individuals growing up, matter of fact I was quite the opposite. I lacked confidence and didn’t feel secure in myself.

I found an avenue to cover up this lack of confidence and insecurity. Without knowing or realizing it, at a relatively early age I had learned that acceptance by others was easy, through what I did. This put me on a trajectory that if I did not stop and think, which I didn’t, or if I was not honest with myself, which I wasn’t, I could pass muster with the greatest of ease.

My father had a general store, at an early age I was allowed to work in the store, when I was nine I was working Saturday’s serving adults who came to the store. My father allowed me to learn how to drive. When I was thirteen I was taking the car, and making store deliveries.

That year my father and mother took a two-week vacation and I had the responsibility of managing the store. None of the other boys I grew up with, were able to do those things, in most cases none of them had a car in their family.

My confidence blossomed.

Unknown to myself at the time, my confidence was not in who I was, but in what I did. By my peers and by adults I was considered gifted and smart. As a young person it is easy to feel that way, when others say positive things to and about you. For a while that sufficed. I had loads of confidence. I finished High School at sixteen and went to business college.

I returned home and began working in my father’s store, this no longer had the same enamor it had when I was thirteen or fourteen. I wanted something more.

A radio station opened in our area, while I was away at college. I decided to look for a job there and continue working in my father’s store. The word was out, the station was not hiring locals, the enunciation of words could be a problem. I got the job as a radio announcer, my handle was “Ramblin Russ. This further increased my confidence, or so I thought.

It was allowing me to further hide from myself.

Two years later, I was able to raise enough money to buy my father’s business. He never did enjoy the business and was glad to get out. The next year I built a supermarket, the first in our area, business was good, I was on a roll.

Finding Out About Myself.

There was another important and life changing event during that time as well. I married Norma, the love of my life and we started a family.

This was a wake up call for me.

All of a sudden I am not feeling quite as confident. The family situation created a different arena for me, initially everything was about me, now there is a wife and children. I applied myself in caring for the family and being a good provider, this I did fairly well.

However, it seemed as I was applying myself to providing for the family, that year by year, I seemed to be distancing from them. Even though I was a part of the family and a relatively good provider, the children always turned to their mother. Norma, I think realized that as well, because she would encourage the children to go to me and not her, but it did not work.

This caused much frustration within myself and was making me wonder what was wrong with me.

My insecurities begin to surface more and more and caused me to work harder, more to hide from myself by building a world of my own, that would give me a comfort that I was finding difficult to find.

I began reading self-help books and take courses on self-help. One book in particular, “Think and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill constantly mentioned “the secret.” This frustrated me to no end. What is the secret? There was another book by Robert Collier who gave all the credit for his wealth to “The secret of the Universe,” rather than answering questions for me, my frustrations and insecurities increased.

It was later in life that I realized that a secret was as the dictionary said, a piece of information that belonged to one person, so how could any person tell me what the secret was.

It would no longer be a secret, this was some help.

I wanted to do what I thought was right for the children, but if I was honest with myself, the mother had much more control and impact on the children than I did. I only received or had any impact if Norma pushed them my way, and she wanted too. She was much stronger in the family roll. This I accepted, or so I thought, sometimes there is something in our heart that is not in our head. That I learned later, on several occasions.

Changing Direction.

For some unknown reason I still felt I should or wanted to have a more active role in the family, than just being a provider.

It was found in the church or religion, or again, so I thought. I became very active within our local church, applying myself more and more, than I experienced a calling to go into full time service.

I resigned from my job and moved to Ontario to study Theology and become a minister in the church. This I thought was my calling and as a family would bring us closer together. We had been a rather close family before, hindsight is twenty-twenty vision, the only problem was me. I didn’t feel a part of the family, sometimes I would say to Norma, it feels as if you are in a room with the children and’m on the outside looking in.

She would say “don’t be so foolish.”

That was how I felt, foolish or not.

My going into the ministry was more about me than the family, as time evolved, that became abundantly apparent. The introduction of religion caused more division and discord in the family, than unity. I begin to slowly realize that when you think you know something, you don’t know it the way you should.

I experienced a euphoria the day I met Norma, not really the day I met her, but the day I became acutely aware of her. I had attended school with her in a four room school, but on that particular day in August as I was passing her on my way home, she became the love of my life, she was my soulmate, four years later she became my wife.

I had experienced “the secret” and didn’t know it. Norma got the credit, she was the love of my life.

It was fifteen years later that I experienced “the secret” again, this time the church got the credit, and became my love. Each time I experienced “the secret” it was relevant to someone or something.

Both of those experiences brought immense changes to my life. In the next decade or two there were other experiences similar, but not as life changing as before, but it kept me moving in a positive direction towards my almost lifelong quest.

Summing Up To This Point.

In a way “the secret” was alluding me. I was searching for something that in some ways I believed would answer my greatest question.

What is my purpose while here on earth?

I wanted to fulfill my purpose and be complete in myself, perhaps that is a little too heavy, but I wanted to know a completeness within myself and not have to depend on anyone or anything, that may have seemed unreachable or perhaps even selfish, but I could not shake that feeling that something was missing.

In my earlier years I was not aware of this vacuum in my life, it was filled with what I did and my responsibilities as a father and husband. It was circumstances brought on by those responsibilities that caused me to want an answer to the questions that life had put in my way.

Life changing things that took place in my life would constantly come in view and keep me searching.

I would try to fill those voids with something or someone, but it wasn’t happening.

In my next post I will continue my search for “the secret,” it takes me on another different path, again that is life changing but rewarding. It will begin to bring into focus the thought and purpose of this blog, “The You Process.”

I realize this post is about me, but it is meant to be about experiences in my life that had significance and brought me to a sweet spot. Your experiences, while different from mine, are meant for the same thing as mine. To bring you to the point of fulfillment as a person.

Nothing happens in our lives without a purpose, it is up to you to find that purpose.

If you have any questions or comments about this post, please don’t hesitate to let me know. I will be happy to get back to you.

Until my next post, be happy.

24 Replies to “The Secret”

  1. Reading your post right now makes me remember the days of my humble beginnings,i was not the most confident guy in the neighborhood infact a lot of people despised me for my timidity, I was able to transform into a better and outspoken orator when I got to college, the company I keep back then in college has a lot of positive influence on my transformation. Looking back I feel I owe my new found self to friends that help me grow back in college. 

    1. Thanks Clement for your comment.

      You had friends who believed in you, their energy in a way lifted you up. We are all energy fields and can have an amazing influence on others, but give yourself credit.

      ‘YOU” are an amazing and unique person. Every situation in our life negative or positive is for a reason and I have found out for real, it was to bring me in touch with who I really am. This opened up a whole new world in a way.

      One thing I will mention in your comment “Looking back” you can, but don’t spend too much time there.Friends were a help, but it was YOU that has brought you to where you are today.

      Keep on motoring. Have a great day Clement.

  2. Quite a good life you’ve had so far. I just pulled into your story with every passing word. Different people would have what fulfillment mean to them so I’ll speak for myself. I’m not a very wealthy person but I do just fine. “The secret” for my own happiness has been love from my family. I always make my decision based on my family. I’ve had opportunities to get better paying jobs but it will take me away from my family and they are the source of my happiness. When we encounter “the secret” of our lives, then we can have inner peace.

    surely now I have to look forward to your next post.

    1. Thank you Louis for your comment. I agree with you one hundred percent, money is not everything.

      It is something we need for our day to day living but we can’t take any with us. I did well yes, but I learned the hard way, money has very little meaning.

      Family is important and so are “YOU” we have a responsibility to our family and it is only as we are reach our potential, that we are able to provide what our family needs and it certainly is not money.

      I have found out with my family, seven children, that it is not what you say, but what you do that has the greatest impact.

      We are an energy field and our energy radiates to our family and friends and those around us.

      Enjoy your day Louis and continue to enjoy your family, that is your footprint.

  3. That’s a very interesting article, and one I can relate to at certain points. 

    I also lacked confidence when I was growing up, and I eventually found that confidence (and I still do now to a point) in music. I excelled at the guitar and my career, and life, has moved on with this trait (I am a musician). 

    I dread to think where I would be without it – my musical training changed my route in life. 

    1. Hi Chris, thanks for your comment. Music for you has become your life,. For me business was my life.

      Business cut me off from other important things, business was definitely my niche, but I had to step outside if I wanted to enjoy other things and actually get to know who I was.

      I did not step out willingly, I was pushed, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I still love business but my horizons have expanded and life has become much more fulfilling.

      The purpose of my blog was to relate my journey to anyone who might be interested. Every person is a unique and special person.

      What we do is not who we are, we are so much more.

      Thanks Chris, keep enjoying your music and reason through life’s experiences, you may be surprised what you will find;.

  4. Russ, I can relate to your article as I am interested in the laws of attraction, what I refer to ‘The Universe’ is that what you are referring too when you talk about ‘The Secret’ too?

    I too believe fulfilling your life purpose is important but how did you find your life purpose? Was that becoming a minister? You mention briefly experience a calling, can you explain more about that? I believe sharing these experiences can help others to define their purpose and then begin to take steps to fulfil it.

    1. Thank you Fleur Allen for your comments and yes “The Universe” certainly is what I am referring too.

      Becoming a minister was not the answer for me, it like all the other directions I took, had a purpose. We are all in connection to the Universe more than we realize it.

      Every situation negative or positive in our life has a purpose, it is to bring us more in touch to “Our True Selves.”

      We have to reason through all  things, never take anything at face value. You will be surprised what you will find out about yourself and realize that ‘YOU” are a very unique and special person.

  5. I liked your story very much. Always good to read stories about successful, and happy persons. This is inspiring and helps the reader to find similarity and differences in their lives. Finding the “secret” is very important and anyone can find it. This can be anything and when you find it you will know that you have it. 

    1. Thanks Gno for reading my post.

      When you find “the secret” you have found inner peace and automatically from that comes outer peace.

      Have a great day Gno.

  6. Hi Russ,

    First of all, I would like to say that this is a wonderful read. I enjoyed each and every sentence I read. I felt that somehow you were talking about me. I closely relate to the part where you became a provider for the family and the children returned to their mother. This is where I want to ask you a question that always bothers me. If all your dreams become true in an instant would you become instantly satisfied? what would you do? will you get bored fast?

    1. Hi Sam, thanks for reading my post.

      Your question, “If all your dreams become true in an instant would you become instantly satisfied? Yes , but bored never. The world takes on a whole new meaning, you see the beauty of it.

      Most of all you become totally satisfied with yourself and you will be amazed how you see other people, the same as you see yourself.

      Sam, “YOU” are a unique and special person.

  7. It seems you have spent the better part of your life soul searching  yourself and you have not yet found the true answer to that . Secrets can be good and they can be detrimental it the secret is burning from inside looking for the solution which seems to be very further away .But to I Believe  the best thing you did in your life one getting a family  and two turning your life to God  if even if you’ve not found the answer to the secret you are on the right  direction,.

  8. Nothing indeed happens in our lives without a purpose. We were all born to achieve a purpose on this planet,  when  we are unable to know the purpose for which we were created. Frustration, low self esteem etc may set in. 

    I really enjoyed your childhood story. Wow, at age 13 you were already driving, that alone was a huge responsibility. I will certainly love to read your next post on the continuation for “the secret”.

    1. Thanks Gracen, thanks for reading my post.

      None of those things did much for me, only isolate me from who I really was.

      Remember, “YOU” are a unique and special person.

      Have a great day.

  9. Hello Russell Hollett,I have read the whole information about yourself.Thanks for sharing this information about yourself .There is no reason behind the success of every human being.you share about your secret with us.By reading this,I inspired about you.we know that there is no pain,there is no gain.This post is very important for me.Thanks for sharing this post.  

    1. Thank you Md moinul Islam for your interest and comment.

      I have found in my life’s journey that yes there is pain and I had my share, but it does not have to be that way.

      If we reason through our negative and positive experiences, they all happen for a purpose, to bring us in contact with ourselves.

      Every person has the same energy within them. Life’s experiences are too bring us in contact with our true self.

      “YOU” is who we really are, and you are a unique and special person.

      Have a great day.

  10. Dear Russell,

    Thank you very much for sharing your real life story. What a wonderful life you have! It is apparently that there is “no secret” for your success. You show your successful life openly and clearly.

    You continuously search the “secret” in the path of your life. You had your own business at age of six and at thirteen you took the responsibilities as an adult. The quest of your secret leads you to be a radio announcer, CEO … and ordained Baptist minster. I know you are still in pursue of your inner “secret”.

    Everyone has secret. Is this correct that GOD designs and knows everyone’s secret?

    1. Thanks Anthony for your comment.

      Everything that has happened in my life to this point was for a purpose, it was up to me to reason through life’s experiences to find life’s meaning.

      Within all of us is a “Devine Connection”. Life’s experiences negative and positive are for a purpose, to bring us into communion with that power that is your “YOU.”

      YOU are a unique and special person.

  11. Your story about the secret in your article  your article  Is very interesting and I made very sure I red it through. The most important question I have equally asked myself is what is my purpose here on earth and it’s been a secret I didn’t discover on time till I asked my self this question but I have started working on my goals already.

    1. Thanks Kenechi for reading my post.

      Life’s experiences, negative and positive are meant to aid us in finding our “True self” we have to reason through everything and not take anything at face value.

      YOU are a unique and special person, that is the person you are looking for.

      You will find the answer. ask and you will receive.

  12. Hi Russ,

    Thanks for the great post and to me your life reminds me of the journey we are on, and we are sometimes like the caterpillar. I feel like at times I am like the caterpillar, and then I am sure it is God saying “what are you doing crawling around on the ground” and then I remember I am free like the butterfly.

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